A Mercenary's Soft Spot
by Kailey Hamilton
Summary: "She's a mercenary," he says, and those words would go on to haunt her for a long time. After six years of being ignored by her peers, Mandy Brocklehurst has finally found recognition through the Dark Arts... is that really so wrong? Oneshot. Warnings: Mentions of torture, an F-bomb or two.


_Disclaimer: Recognize it? Not mine._

* * *

**A Mercenary's Soft Spot**

Soft, innocent eyes stared at her in fear, and she knew there was no way back.

She couldn't deny that she reveled in her newly acquired status. She could now look at everyone who had ever laughed at her and see a reaction, recognition, anything but indifference. She still saw dislike, but also admiration. She smelled fear, she smelled respect, and she only had to stare at the pesky first-years for a second too long to make them tremble.

The Carrows were so proud of her, she just knew it. Those who were on her side talked to her as an equal and absolutely adored her (_her_, who hadn't had a close friend in all her years at Hogwarts!) while those who weren't, feared her. So when their eyes were on her, she saw them widen and turn impressionable. She saw a raw material that she could mold to her tastes.

Those who dared to defy Mandy Brocklehurst could finally pay the price.

It all started on a snowy December afternoon. The seventh-year Ravenclaws walked in their Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, only to find a little boy tied up to a chair, with his face to the board and his back to the class. Professor Amycus Carrow was working on his desk, not bothering to look up at the horrified students.

Finally, when silence was too heavy, Professor Carrow made the kid's chair face the class with a flick of his wand. It moved violently and fell down with a thud, that gave more fear to his already horrified face. His screams were muffled by a seemingly old rag that posed as a gag.

_He does it for the effect, _Mandy thought._ Like he can't make him freeze with magic!_

"This pesky creature," started their Professor, "was caught sneaking out of his room at night."

She recognized the first-year kid as Lisa Turpin's little brother. He was a tiny Hufflepuff that had cried rivers when he wasn't sorted in Ravenclaw. Mandy wasn't surprised when she heard the Lisa's shriek of horror.

"Don't do anything to him!" She begged. Mandy scoffed. _It's useless._

"I won't do anything, you can be sure."

Her sigh of relief made Mandy roll her eyes. She thought she knew what was coming, though she didn't know how she felt about it.

"In the last few months," Carrow said, "the most talented of you have learned to master many useful hexes and curses. You've learned to cause pain and to make people obey your will. You've learned to kill and to wound, to be powerful and to fear nothing. There's nothing in the world that can compare to the feeling of omnipotence, and I'm proud of the fact that I've been able to pass along this wonderful feeling."

Mandy was only glad she wasn't in class with the Gryffindors, for it would've killed her for that Longbottom idiot to ruin the momentum of that speech.

There was something about it that just drew her in. Professor Carrow spoke of the Dark Arts with genuine passion. Mandy was vaguely aware of the fact that she sat at the edge of her chair, her back straight and eyes glowing. She'd never seen that kind of passion from her teachers - not from Snape's calm murmurs or McGonagall's stern gazes. Not from Flitwick's cheerful attitude or Sprout's motherly care.

_This_ was pure love.

"You've gained skills," Carrow continued with a smirk, "but it's time for those who haven't to catch up. Miss Turpin, front of the class."

The order came so out of the blue that even Mandy was caught off guard. Michael Corner got up to protest, but Anthony Goldstein pulled him down by the robes quite fast.

"You will make things worse," she heard him whisper.

Mandy was curious, eager. _Serves you right for being such a bitch, Turpin._

"Now, Miss Turpin. It's rude to make your audience wait."

"I won't do it," she defied. "You said..."

"I said _I_ wouldn't do anything. Very well then, I'll let your disobedience pass."

Mandy shifted her eyes to her Professor. He was taking in her greedy expression, and she understood right then that he intended to call her. He wanted them all to understand the extent of her powers. He was appealing to her need of revenge, trying to get her to make her stand up and show off.

(Mandy, of all people, showing off!)

"Brocklehurst, show them how it's done."

She loved how eyes turned to her unabashedly. She caught Anthony's clear, innocent stare and almost felt sorry. _Almost._

She looked back at him defiantly. _I'm the girl you left to her own devices two years ago_, she wanted to say, _and _these_ are my own devices._

Then she looked at Lisa, enjoying how much hatred was showing in her expression. Lisa Turpin had always considered her insignificant and incompetent.

_See, Turpin? I'm perfectly capable. I'll show you._

* * *

"You dated that psycho," she heard Terry Boot tell Anthony a few months later.

She hated that somehow, she was still invisible sometimes. She was right there, two meters away from the Golden Ravenclaw Trio that everyone venerated. She hated it because she knew they were talking about her, as Anthony hadn't dated anyone else in his life.

She was quite used to eavesdropping by accident, as she was shorter than most armchairs in the Common Room, so people lounging in a neighboring sitting area could easily miss her presence.

"She's not a psycho, Terry," Anthony defended her with a tired voice.

"Not a psycho?" A girl Mandy knew by name thought it was her place to butt in. "Her mum is a muggle, for Merlin's sake. She shouldn't be helping those muggle-haters."

_And you love muggles a bit too much, Mayer. It's creepy. _Becky Mayer always listened to Anthony's weekly explanations about muggles with admiration. He had taken it onto himself to give lessons to the uneducated population on Muggle Studies, on what they should've been learning instead of Professor Alecto Carrow's devious lies. It was his form of resistance, as he was too wimpy to do like Longbottom and actually stand up to the teachers.

(Mandy always suspected that Becky Mayer was head-over-heels for her ex-boyfriend, so she naturally hated her.)

"Mandy loves her mother, Becky. That's not it," said Anthony.

_Damn right._ It wasn't that Mandy didn't love her muggle mother, as he'd said, and she was glad he could still understand her. She just wasn't doing anything to collaborate with any cause, for she had learned since she was little that choosing sides caused her trouble. She didn't care who she was helping or what she was allegedly fighting for. She had found something that made her powerful, and she was determined not to let it go.

"That's why Anthony broke up with her, wasn't it?" Boot kept talking. "She refused to believe You-Know-Who was back, she refused to accept it... yet here she is now, being the Carrows' little pet and doing everything and anything she's told."

"That sums it up, and that's why we didn't work out." Was that a hint of sadness in Anthony's voice? "I know Mandy Brocklehurst quite well. She's a mercenary - she's her very own cause, and she cares for little else other than herself."

The words he used hit her, and she felt her heart swell with anger. How dared he? _He_ was the one that left her alone when he knew she loved him, he _knew_ she had no one else in the entire castle. And what was worse, Mandy knew he'd loved her very deeply as well.

That was a crime he'd confessed to. His tale included watching her from afar, jumping on the opportunity to take her to the Yule Ball, and staying by her side until he joined that pointless Dumbledore's Army or whatever the hell it was called.

She thought Anthony was being stupid. Didn't he see? That Umbridge bitch ran the school, and he was only looking for trouble by opposing her. Now that Death Eaters ran the school, he was looking for even more trouble by spreading the muggle love.

(Whenever she asked herself what the difference was between the Carrows and Umbridge, she had to push the thought out of her mind. She had no good answer, other than the fact that Umbridge had ignored her while the Carrows had seen in her something otherworldly.

Anthony was wrong. She just knew it.)

* * *

"You wonder why I'm here."

As she'd been the one to betray him, so to speak, she was tasked with his punishment. As simple as that.

But Anthony looked at her as he always did, still unaware of such a painful truth. He'd looked at her like that when they were together, and still looked at her like that right then, when they were at Alecto Carrow's office and that he was magically immobilized. It didn't matter that Mandy was the one to tell Carrow that Anthony was breaking their rules; his eyes were still soft when they looked at her.

_...After all I've done._

She understood she was siding with the devil and she didn't quite care - it actually empowered her. It was only under Anthony's gaze that she felt the weight of her actions crush her.

"Truth is, I wonder the very same thing myself," she admitted. "You're not a bad guy, Anthony. You were the only person to ever look my way and treat me with the respect I deserve. I'll never forget that. But now... Now you're so caught up in your glorious cause that I doubt you even remember we were great together."

She'd given herself away with evident emotion in her voice, but such a blunder was all she needed to unleash the bitter feelings that had welled up inside of her.

They'd parted as friends, but had he given her a thought? Had he really sought her friendship after it was all said and done? He hadn't, and the latest strike was the word he'd used to describe her.

_She's a mercenary._

She wanted to ask him, do you still love me?

(It wasn't like she'd get an answer, seeing as he was unable to speak.)

"I begged you not to choose sides, Anthony. Remember? It was better for us to remain neutral. But then you had to follow your stupid little friends and join Potter in his madness."

Oh, _she_ remembered too well. He would tell her he was with the Hufflepuffs studying for the classes she wasn't taking. Because of his fanatic Potter support, Mandy refused to let herself be fooled. It was only after being confronted about his lies (that she was able to take, really) that Anthony had cracked down and had broken up with her.

It still hurt. The wound was wide open.

"You sneaked out," she accused. "You lied to me. The only person ever to not ignore me, and you chose this useless cause over me. I bet you never thought betrayal could come from within, from so close, now did you?"

Realization hit him and she knew it was time to raise her wand and point it at him.

"I begged you not to choose sides, Anthony. But you did. Now I've chosen mine."

Anthony was the quintessential Ravenclaw, with all his spiritual intellectuality and morality that could be traced back to the religious teachings of his muggle father. In their relationship, Mandy got to hear a great deal about God and the different paths he'd let a person choose. It had seemed to her as if it was either God's way or Free Will's way.

She was rather fond of her ability to choose for herself.

_What's God, anyway?_ she remembered thinking. She knew He, She or It was supposed to be omnipresent, omnipotent, almighty and generally great. God awarded justice, punishment and mercy...

"Crucio!"

Standing in front of the boy (or rather _man_) she once loved, it occurred to her that she was wielding the answer in the form of her wand. She understood what God was. In that very moment, she passed judgment. She awarded punishment, and she awarded mercy. She was the judge.

She was God.

* * *

Later that night, she couldn't help but go over Anthony's torture in full detail, reviving it as the only one that was truly traumatic since that December afternoon.

It was ridiculous. She'd punished many people like that, making them writhe in agony, and she'd never felt bad afterward. It was what needed to be done in order to survive, she thought, and it was a way to remind herself that no one could mess with her ever again as they'd done in the past.

Hell, she'd even liked it sometimes. Mandy loved it the most when they begged for compassion. She had to admit to herself that she clearly enjoyed her newly acquired task of helping the Carrows award punishments.

(She didn't like torturing girls though. The shrieks were too annoying.)

Anthony didn't scream. He twisted, bit his lip, let silent tears roll down his cheeks. She knew he wasn't holding back, for he was always a mellow one, like the breeze on a sunny summer afternoon. Mandy knew he wouldn't let desperation betray his gentle nature, not even when fire consumed his bones and made every cell in his body feel like it was going to burst wide open.

He didn't scream, or even beg, and it made her proud of the fact that he was her ex-boyfriend. She almost felt herself give up to the thought until she understood that he was submitting in his own way.

_She's a mercenary_, he'd said, as if that was enough to give her up for good. Even in her memories, the phrase erased all remorse.

_"Toughen up, crybaby,"_ she'd spat after it was over. _"You know I fucking hate it when you cry."_

* * *

Anthony's eyes weren't soft anymore, and she understood she had broken him.

No, no. She had lifted him to that elevated state where weakness was purged from the body and he could feel almighty. She had done him a favor, hadn't she? He was a fool, with his ideals and his pseudo-Gryffindoresque courage. Anthony was one to stay and fight for his chosen cause, but as he looked at her, his eyes showed that easily-influenced expression she'd seen now too often.

She'd never seen it in him, so she now knew he was faltering in his resolve.

To Mandy, it was clear that staying to fight a battle at Hogwarts would be a waste of her time. She let air blow through her nose in a half-laugh, half-sneer, and turned around never to see Anthony again.

* * *

She'd never slept better than that very same night, when she had the sick knowledge that a sour war was being fought at Hogwarts while she was between her covers, resting with her conscience untouched.

It wasn't her war, she reckoned. It seemed to be everyone else's. Lisa Turpin had fought for Potter, in a surprising turn of events, as she wasn't one to like bloodbaths. Even Morag MacDougal and her Death Eater boyfriend had stuck to their side and fought for it, while she...

Well, she'd never belonged anywhere, and she understood right then that she wouldn't fit in a post-war magical United Kingdom. She wouldn't go to jail as a war criminal, as she could argue being under the Imperius curse, and it would make more sense to people than her cold-blooded choices. Nor would the people she'd terrorized let her work among them.

_She's a mercenary._

She needed to leave England to actually start a life. Everyone was jaded while she was stoic. Was she numb? Was she unfeeling? Was she hardened by those long seven years that were only brightened by fleeting love and the illusion of power?

_My heart is not hard, _she thought. She could still feel, mourn and rejoice as she did when she was eleven. She knew she wasn't a good person, but only because no one had really let her...

Mandy Brocklehurst was a mercenary, and she finally realized she felt no shame of that fact. When would she ever find a cause worth dying for, other than her own self? Was it really that unacceptable? Was that really such an insensibility?

_No, it's not, _she concluded._ I guess that the problem isn't that my heart is too hard. It's just that their hearts are too soft._

* * *

_Notes:__ Mandy. Oh Merlin, that Mandy. I loved writing her, and I was planning on doing her side of things after writing Resistance. I'm glad I did so. I didn't plan on making her anything other than despicable, maybe pitiable, so naturally I had my fun. I read The Casual Vacancy last week, which was also the hardest and most chaotic weeks I've ever been through. The result was this dark little piece that's definitely not my usual style._

_This was written for the 'Let's End This The Way We Started It' Competition (my word was 'soft' and it had to be included in the title, and as the first and last word of my story) and the 'Dumbledore's Army: Still Recruiting' Competition (I had to write about any student at Hogwarts during Deathly Hallows. I had to keep it T, which I deeply regret. I wanted some detailed torture scenes here.)_

_This is also a companion for another of my stories, 'Resistance.' It shows Anthony's point of view. I was actually thinking of submitting it to one of the competitions, but the Battle of Hogwarts wasn't allowed so Mandy it was!_

_Thanks for getting this far and reading this gloomy story. I'll be glad to receive some feedback._

_-Karyn._


End file.
